I have been living with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Lyme Disease for almost 2 decades. Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever said it like that before. Let me try it again…for almost 20 years, a little less than half of my life, I’ve been sick! As you can imagine, with prolonged sickness comes frustration and if I’m honest, loneliness creeps in at times.
You see, while my husband is working and the kids are in school, I spend my day at home alone. Outside of the chats with my girlfriends and catching up with family, I’m usually home in bed or on the couch pondering what to do next. To be transparent, what I’m really pondering is what CAN I do today? You see most days I am not feeling well enough to do the things I used to do or really desire to due to the various symptoms I navigate on a daily basis. I wake up each morning not really knowing what to expect or how I am going to feel. How I long for the days when I could get up and do whatever I wanted to do that day. Insert loneliness.
I think what’s really taking place is I am grieving the way my life used to be and a good friend of mine helped me realize that I would never get that life back, nor should I strive to. You see, the old Windy didn’t know she was sick and was living a life that could not continue. The old Windy had not stepped into what God had for her in order to stretch her into what God is calling her to become. Whew…that’s hard to hear at times but it’s true. If I were to go back to the way things were in the past, I would be far from who I am called to be. Even though it’s hard most days and even though I am lonely at times, I would not trade it for anything if it means getting closer to who I am created to be.
So what do I do to all day? Well I’m glad you asked!
- I take lots of naps! (Naps are the best and much needed to allow my body to heal itself)
- Eat (Way too much)
- Read my Bible (Food for the soul)
- Pray (Talk to God about all the things)
- Nap some more (Ha!)
- Think about ways to help others (Giveback)
- Laugh at myself (When I’m not crying. Laughter is good medicine)
- Check on my family and friends (I love you all)
- Doctors appointments (I love my doctors too)
- Oh, I’m sure I take another nap!!!!
It can be lonely living with chronic illness and I am so thankful for the people in my life (You know who you are)who help me keep my spirits up and push through and never give up. This too shall pass.
Until next time, XO